Gender Violence: How We Can Help An Abused Woman

For every case of an abused woman that comes to light, thousands more are silent. Fear takes hold of them, because they fear their aggressor, since they think that the remedy may be worse than the disease.

Despite the number of official and non-profit organizations that offer to help these women, the truth is that there is still much to do.

You may know someone and do not know how to help them. You should know that each country has a specific number of attention to battered women that provides legal advice and information. The best thing you can do for them is to call and explain the situation.

In case you have just witnessed violent acts against a woman by her partner, the most responsible thing is to call the emergency number in your country. Thus, the police will come and be able to witness what has happened, either inside a home or on the street.

Either way, never be quiet. 

The abuse process: the beginnings

The abuse does not usually start at the beginning of the relationship, but it arises little by little. At first with subtle behaviors that go almost unnoticed by most people and later with manipulations and violent reactions.

• It is common that at first the abuser is affectionate, friendly and pleasant with his partner. In this way, she begins to trust him.
• Little by little, the abuser begins to include small “rules” in their relationship. ” You shouldn’t wear this, I’m telling you for your sake “; ” That friend who writes you wants something more” ; “I am not jealous because yes, I do not want you to be in danger “.
• Abuse always begins progressively. The victim begins to be isolated from their core of trust, then the slightest (but equally dangerous) insults and humiliations begin and, finally, threats and the first physical or emotional abuse are resorted to.
• In a second phase, there are the first blows, the most intimate humiliations, the shame of oneself when looking in the mirror and, in between, episodes of repentance of the aggressor. It should be noted that many abusers resort to rape towards their partners, taking refuge in the relationship and in the supposed right they have over it.

• With all this, the victim, the abused woman, will come to justify to a greater or lesser extent the behavior of her partner.

How do I identify a battered woman?

If you talk to a battered woman, you will likely notice different characteristics in her speech. To begin with, you will describe the put-downs and beatings clearly, but your arguments will become clouded as the conversation progresses.

Emotions such as the aforementioned feeling of guilt, downplaying what has happened or even justifying it  are elements to take into account when discovering a potential victim of abuse.

There will be times when you even discover a mistreated woman in a friend or someone you considered to have a strong personality. This shows that anyone is prone to these types of problems, even the most confident women.

In fact, in many cases, the abuser is charming to other people, even if at home he humiliates and hits his partner. This makes it easy to trust them and even make their first abuses seem logical (“ I asked for it” ).

How I can help her?

As we have already said, what should always be done in a case of abuse is to report the aggressor. This is not always easy, because many times the victim lives with him. Therefore, they must be provided with external support, and it is recommended that they have psychological counseling.

Unfortunately, victims are often afraid to report the consequences after the event, as they do not want to make the situation worse. In addition, in cases of psychological abuse in which there are no physical injuries, everything becomes much more complicated.

There is also the issue of mothers’ concern about not separating their children from their father. Many victims of gender violence think that their partners, despite hitting them, are good parents. In this process, the feeling of guilt begins, since they do not want to harm the children that they have in common with their aggressor.

Supporting an abused woman is essential

An abused woman should know that she has a good social support network. It is likely that your partner has tried by all means to leave you without friends or trusted people, so it is even more important that family and other people around you do not abandon you.

Many people feel offended by the lack of commitment and the distancing of these victims from them. However, you have to be consistent: they don’t do it because they want to, but because they are being manipulated or forced to do so.

It is important that they are fully supported and persuaded with arguments. If they do not report, the situation may escalate and a misfortune may occur.

If they are not strong enough to call for help, step forward. Fight for those who cannot, do not remain silent and report the aggressor. You are probably saving their lives.