What Is The Glue That Holds Relationships Together?

One of the keys that tell us how our relationships will be may be the type of relationship our parents have had, since we often take it as an example.

In a society where there are a lot of separations and divorces it is necessary to ask: what is the glue that holds relationships together? Is there a magic recipe? Is there something that all couples share? Some relationships seem to have such solid foundations that nothing can end them. Today we will discover what is behind these types of relationships and what the “glue” that unites them is made of. Let’s see it next!

The glue that holds relationships together

1. Beliefs about the good and the bad

The glue that holds all relationships together is often based on beliefs about what is good and what is bad. In every society there is a certain pattern of couple, as a kind of standard.

• When we enter into a relationship, they exist as a series of agreements that are not discussed.
• Some of them are fidelity, not looking at other people or fooling around with them.
• Except in open relationships, in monogamous relationships this is taken for granted.

Beliefs about right and wrong weigh heavily on the members of a relationship and may be one of the reasons they stick together.

2. Investing time in a relationship

Another type of glue that holds relationships together is the investment of time in the relationship that, after a few years, would be a shame to spoil. This happens a lot in relationships in which its members have a longer relationship.

They consider that they have invested very valuable time in the other person and that, therefore, the breakup is not part of their plans.

3. The relational model of parents

The third of the types of glue that holds relationships together is based on the type of relationship our parents have had.

If the relationship of our parents was solid or if it was based on any of the previous elements, it is very possible that our relationships resemble our attachment and reference figures.

Likewise, all those beliefs that are within the couple’s relationships of the generations of the family will also influence. For example, “a couple is forever”, “love has to be cared for every day” … 

The moment in which the glue stops fulfilling its function

We have talked about the glue that holds relationships together, but what happens when that glue stops fulfilling its function? What mistakes could be being made?

Some of them may be the following:

• We desire other people, we are not made to maintain a monogamous relationship, but instead of accepting it, talking about it or leaving our partner, we prefer to be unfaithful. Regardless of the damage that we can cause to the other and that we can be doing to ourselves.
• The lack of communication in the couple, not communicating our wishes and desires, not talking about the relationship itself. If it is done, it is superficial and banal. Without going deep.
• The beliefs that affect our relationship  and that can prevent the construction of a healthy and free relationship.

We always insist on how important communication is in the couple. Because the fact of assuming how the couple must be can lead to misunderstandings or that one of the members, instead of being honest, chooses to commit an infidelity.

Unfortunately, in our society infidelity unfortunately seems to be quite “normalized”. In fact, it is one of the reasons, much less the only one, why couples separate.

Perhaps, there has been an insane pairing pattern on the part of the parents and it is repeated because it is what is known. Let’s not forget that children have their model parents, which is why they imitate a large part of their behaviors.

What beliefs have haunted your relationships? Have you followed the relational model of your parents or have you gone to the opposite extreme? Do you believe in love forever?